THANKFUL BUT CONTEMPLATIVE

Saturday, November 28, 2020

So many conflicting emotions running through my brain these days, and I feel quite certain that I am not the only one. 

I feel adrift and stuck between being thankful for all the wonderful things that I have, but at the same time feeling restless and stuck in a rut.

It's kind of like what is happening in nature outside my apartment. On one hand there are still summer flowers holding on for dear life,

but on the other hand fall is taking over, and winter is just around the corner. 


I know just how Mother Nature feels. Like everyone else in this country I am sick of the pandemic and the restrictions that we have to live with. I want to open my window and scream out into the world, "go away you evil monster", but the pandemic doesn't care how I feel or what I scream out.


I spent Thanksgiving day alone this year. I watched the parade on television, which by the way I thought was one of the best parades ever, and when Santa came on I clapped, cheered, and danced along with him alone in my apartment because he brought about a sense of normalcy. 

I know that we will return to a more normal world at some point, although it may not be exactly as it was before. We will get vaccines and although things will be difficult for millions of people, I know that if I do my part by wearing a mask and social distancing, I am doing what I can to help stop the spread until that happens.

In the meantime I am thankful for the things that I have. I saw my family briefly on Wednesday. I took them turkey and in return they gave me delicious side dishes. I think I got the best deal.


My apartment is decorated for Christmas and is feeling cozy. It makes me happy.

Now, about that rut. Only I can change it. I need to get outside and walk more, take on some of the projects in my apartment that I want to do, and breathe in life as life is now. 

Sometimes we need to scream, and that is okay. Other times we need to just contemplate on our lives, and that is okay too. it's important that we take care of ourselves.

How are you feeling these days?


Comments

  1. I adore your beautiful, gathered over time, ornaments. As you know my life is not all that different. But I know most people are chomping at the bit to get back to what they consider a normal life. If they ever want to get there, they need to follow some rules now.
    Brenda

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  2. As I started to read your post I read the word 'adrift' and whispered "that's it; that's exactly how I feel". Your post describes exactly how so many are feeling right now and yet there are others who are in serious denial. I can't and won't even try to change their minds because they are entitled to their thoughts and feelings just as I am to mine.
    I spent Thanksgiving alone, as well (for the first time ever!) and I was determined to have a nice meal so I did it all just for me and I'm glad I did. I did break down briefly but shook it off and kept stirring the gravy. LOL
    I've learned in recent years that practicing self care is very important but oh my goodness it's very important right now!!!
    Staying busy with my love of needlework and a little sewing on my machine has helped me maintain some sanity. I don't know when we will return to a 'normal' way of life but I do believe it'll be different.
    Your decorations look lovely. I'm in the midst of decorating my little home today and looking forward to twinkling lights. Big Sigh!

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  3. I echo your sentiments, I am feeling much the same way. The holidays always make me feel a little depressed and rushed and anxious anyway, but add Covid on top of it, and I'm just not feeling any holiday spirit at all. I did some Christmas decorating today but I didn't enjoy it. It made me feel anxious. I'm also missing my son who moved to CA a year ago...everything all at once is just weighing heavy on me lately. Walks outside definitely help. The fresh air - even when it's cold - feels good and energizes me for a bit.

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  4. I think we are all feeling that in a rut way! Hopefully after we say goodbye to 2020 things will slowly come back to some kind of normal. Next year at this time let's pray things will be so much better for all of us. Your Turkey looked so good. How fun you could all exchange the parts of the Thanksgiving meal. We watched the parade too and loved it. Have a good rest of the weekend. xoxo Kris

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  5. I'm feeling down and in a slump.. this time of year I too get anxious and a little depressed.. I guess because my kids are gone from home and I don't see them very much... not much money and the pressure to try to "do" Christmas like I used to. It all gets to be too much. And yes, only WE can take care of ourselves and get ourselves out of the rut. I'll try to do some decorating for Christmas, but will really have to force myself. Last year I don't think I even put a tree up until Dec. 23rd. It may be the same this year as our little faux tree finally broke into pieces and the lights quit working... and unless we can find a little Charlie Brown tree to cut somewhere, we will be without one. It's all just rather depressing in many ways. Take care... Marilyn

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  6. I agree with you dear friend about my conflicting emotions, as you put it perfectly !
    I'm always in constant worry for my 91 year old mother and her caretakers and i have to take care of everything, from shopping for her groceries, to paying the nurses, her daily cooking that I must see to be delivered, Dr.,medicine and tons of other things.
    The situation in my country, the USA makes me anxious for its future, as the world may go upside down if Socialism takes over. I have enough with this country. Anyway, I pray for everything and God always listens.
    I love your weather changing, I always did when I lived in NY. Fall is my fav. Your Xmas decor are looking so pretty, specially the tree. That turkey is making me hungry, lol..
    Take care and keep healthy.
    Fabby

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