Monday, June 19, 2017


No matter how much we try to be independent there are times in each of our lives that we need support.

Medical Definition of support system: a network of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional 

Last week when my knee surgeon told me there might be the possibility that I would have to have revision surgery that need for support came home to roost. 

I have spent so much of my adult life worrying about everyone else, that when I suggest I might need support I am met with accusations of being selfish. 

Then two friends independently of each other asked me where my support system was. 

How nice they said, that everyone else in your family has support, but where is your's. 

It was then that I realized that I have to have a support system. I need to live near family so that if I have an emergency there is someone close by.

Nothing is perfect, and there are no assurances in life. Being financially challenged means that we have less options, but it shouldn't mean that we have to forego a support system. 

I certainly don't need anyone to take care of me, but I'm getting older and there are times when I need help or even just the comfort of family. 

I also want to continue to be a source of support to the people I love. I know it should always work both ways, but I think the time has come for me to seriously talk to my daughters about my need for support.

Have you had to have this conversation with your family? Who do you consider to be your support system?

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  1. Hi Laura.. no question about it, you need to have a good talk with your girls. Good luck.

  2. I have had that conversation and it really is important. I take care of my Mom but I know my daughter and son in law are there for me if I need them. I love living near them and will continue too. Hugs!

  3. No matter the age of the person, each of us needs support in life at one time or another.

  4. It's something to think about as we age. My husband and I support each other but we also chose to retire to an area that has a lot of services available that we can use in the future. It's something to think about and talk about! Hugs!

  5. Yes, it is a good talk to have. Remember, it didn't work out so well for me. I hope you have better luck.

  6. My daughter and son-in-law have always been my support system. I currently live over an hour away from them and have decided that it is time for me to relocate so I am closer. As much as I hate the ordeal of moving, I realize it won't get any easier as I get older (70 now). My house is on the market and I am looking for appropriate housing. I want something about 1200-1500 sq ft and would prefer a condo. I love your posts about your housing searches and thoughts for the future. In the area I want to relocate to, there are not many smaller, one story units and everything seems to have a waiting list.

  7. I have one daughter as my support system. She works each day and I do things for her often so that when I need a trip to the doctor that is more than a regular trip she won't feel as if I am draining her. She works hard. I walk her dog twice a day and take care of the service people who come to fix things. Like you I always hope to take care of myself but it is not always that way. Sometimes I need help with the computer or I cannot lift something alone. If I move we will both move and we will agree on what is best. My son...obvious he won't help. Like Shirley I love your posts. They help me and sometimes remind me that I need to take care of something either emotionally, or physically. I do agree that some areas of the country are more senior friendly and if I had no help that is where I would go. I found them by researching the internet.

  8. This hits home with me Laura. With just recently having to move my mom near us to live and taking care of her. I already taking care of my two grand girls to help out my daughter so I agree this has to work both ways. My girls are really good about helping me when I need them. I hope you will have that talk with your daughters and it will go well. We all need a little help once in awhile.

  9. Such a great post, Laura. I have been the support system for others and have had support, too. I do not like being dependent on others, so it is hard for me, but I have learned it is all part of caring for each other in this world. With my recent knee replacement, without that support I would have have a long stay at a rehab hospital.I was grateful to be able to be home. Hope you work things out with your knee! xo

  10. You definitely need a support system, and if you have to have a talk with your girls about that, so be it. My husband is my physical support system and sometimes my "mental", but I'd say that support system comes mostly from my close girlfriends.

  11. A support system is something we all need, young or old. While I do have 5 girls, 4 of them have their own families. One lives on the opposite side of the country, 4 live in the same county as myself. With my health problems I must rely on them, whether I want to or not. I always feel so guilty, as I am mom and should take care of them. Sometimes it is just hard to accept.

  12. You are so right Laura. I've been thinking about that alot as I get older (I'm 69, almost 70). It's just my husband and me so we support each other, but at some point, we won't both be able to do that.. one will need more help than the other I'm sure, or we both will need help! We live too far from our kids for their help, so I tell hubby that one day we will need to move closer to either his two kids or my son. I don't know if his kids will be much help as they all depend on help from the system and all that. I HAVE had the talk with my son and he assures me he will always be there for me. As he gets older, I think he will be more reliable for me... a couple of years ago, maybe not so much. I don't really have any close girlfriends anymore.. have lost 3 to death and 2 others strayed away for personal reasons.. and my one best friend lives about 8 hours away from me. My only other suppose if my 3 sisters and none of us live that close. I do live only 1-1/2 hrs from my "baby" sister (10 years younger) and I think she will be burdened more than likely, with her three older sisters down the road! And at some point I will need to be support for my older sister! We hate to admit it that we need help sometimes, but truly, sometimes we do! Marilyn

  13. The only support system I have is my husband. I don't have brothers or sisters and I do not have any children. While I am blessed to have some very good and long term friends, they all live far from me and I cannot and will not expect them to help me if needed. One day, when I start falling apart, I will just let go and pass on.


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