On the 45 minute drive to see him, I ran over all of the scenarios in my head. Will he recognize me? What do I say? How will he feel about dying? Will I cry? If I do, how will he react? Should I even be going, or should I just remember him as he was?
Telling someone you love, who is dying, is never easy, but my uncle made it easier than I ever imagined possible. When my sister and I walked into his room, with our face masks on to keep from spreading germs, he looked up and said, "here's those two sweet girls". I of course wanted to burst out crying right then and there. Let's face it, the number of people who remember me as a sweet girl is dwindling rapidly. (In fact there are those who might tell you I was never that sweet.)
My uncle was apparently having the most coherent day he has had in awhile. He was a lot more coherent than I am on most days. He seemed to know everything that is going on with the family now and remembered everything from the past. He asked us about our families and how they are doing. I asked him what his father, my pappy, had died from way back in 1953. I had never gotten a straight answer on that one and I like to know all of my family's medical history. He kind of chuckled and said he died from pellagra or what used to be known as sharecropper's disease in the south. They apparently attributed it to his life of farming, eating too much black strap molasses, and being a heavy smoker. It is something that is readily treatable these days. I love the black strap molasses part. I can probably scratch that off the list of things I may die from.
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my grandparents |
So how do you say goodbye to a loved one? I guess no book can really tell you the answer to that. Each time will be different. I know that no matter how sad I feel I wouldn't have missed this goodbye for the world, and I know that soon he will be soaring once again into the skies, being greeted by all of his loved ones who have gone on before him.
Larua, you have shared a very intimate moment in your life and I thank you. There is no easy way and I do think the dying try to make it easier for the living. He sounds like an awesome man! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteLinda
Thank you. He is an awesome man.
DeletePrayers for you. It is never easy to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteNo, it isn't Michelle.
DeleteLaura.. what a beautiful tribute to your uncle! You and he are in my thoughts and prayers, dear friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Katie.
Deleteso glad you were able to see him and that he was having a good day.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad too.
DeleteSorry for your loss. Blessings and comfort. Debbie
ReplyDeleteThank you, Debbie
DeleteWhat a beautiful good bye.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debby.
DeleteI am so sorry for this time in your life in his...he sounds like a wonderful man.
ReplyDeleteHe is a wonderful man. He will be missed.
DeleteI am so sorry for this time in your life in his...he sounds like a wonderful man.
ReplyDeleteWhat a treasured memory that you will have of your visit with your uncle. So glad he was having a good day. Prayers and peace for you and family.
ReplyDeleteJudy
Thank you, Judy. It is definitely a memory I will always treasure.
DeleteLaura, that was a beautiful, loving post. Thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry for your impending loss, and yet glad you got to spend some quality time and say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Gwen. I feel as if I was given a true gift.
DeleteIt is so hard to say goodbye....and sometimes the best goodbyes are the ones that are never voiced....just a See Ya Later...and they are gone. Sometimes saying Goodbye is giving them permission to leave this world and move to the next-even though it is sadly freeing to both sides.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Laura. xo Diana
I think he had one foot in this world and one in the next, Diana. He is ready to go.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your uncle's terminal illness! I know that trip had to be so difficult but very necessary too. It sounds like he led a good life. I hope he is comfortable during his last days.
ReplyDeleteI think they are keeping him as comfortable as possible, Kelly.
DeleteI am so glad that you went to see him, Laura, even though it was difficult to know what to say. From what I have been told, just being there means the world to people. Sounds like he was a wonderful man.
ReplyDeleteHe seemed very happy to see us and I am so glad we were able to get there yesterday before this big snowstorm hit.
DeleteI am facing a similar situation. A very good friend of us, he is like a father to my husband. He has pancreatic cancer. I saw him few days ago and I just wanted to hold the hug a little longer. Most time I have no words. But I believe that this is not the end. Still it's hard.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your impending loss, Daniela. I understand about just not wanting the hug to end. I believe this is not the end, too.
DeleteIt's never easy. I said goodbye to my beloved Mother last April and I still replay it constantly in my mind. You tell them you love them and in my case apologized for everything that I did wrong (or thought that I did)
ReplyDeleteSaying goodbye to our parents is so difficult. I am sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had been able to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard when we don't get the chance to say goodbye, Ronda.
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