have you forgotten to love the "me"

Monday, April 22, 2013

Have you forgotten to love the "me" in your life?

Are you remembering to really love you?

As an older woman, I have found this one of the most difficult things to do. I was raised in an atmosphere of "woman as caretaker".

But I seem to have not gotten the message that I also need to "caretake" myself. I don't think that is an actual word, but I like it, and I think I will use it whenever I am forgetting the "me".

I was recently gobsmacked by someone that I have been trying to help. When I said that I needed to focus time on my needs, I was told that I was just being selfish and not thinking about anyone else but myself. I took a step back as if I had been physically slapped. How dare this person say this to me. I felt devastated and somehow "guilty", but then after I thought about it, I realized that this person is only "thinking" of their "me", they are not "loving" their "me". By not loving their "me" they are not able to connect with the rest of the world and without that connection there can only be a sense of being alone.

I also believe by focusing on trying to make others happy while not "caretaking" myself, that there was a disconnect. They never realized that I was focused on their happiness. Instead I seemed to produce the opposite of what I was trying to accomplish.

So I am learning to "love" the "me" and through that love I feel that I am able to feel the inter-connecting more. 

How do you "caretake" yourself? Are you loving your "me"? Do you feel the inter-connection with the rest of the world?



  1. This has really applied to me lately.I take care of most everything now since the dh is sick,plus run my grown son to his job & back home,tending to some things I like to do-gardenning-trying to work the soil with an electric tiller,* sometimes everything is just so hard.I had a pity me party in my mind some,you know,the "when is someone going to step up & take care of me?"& don`t you know,someone saw my pain & actually made one of my days great.Thank you Lord for my blogger friends.Great post today!phyllis

  2. You mean there's a "me?" "cause with everyone sick around here I'd forgotten! ;P

  3. I really have been embracing this the past year. There is a fine line between feeling selfish and doing what is best for yourself. Lack of stress is best for my health and that is what I focus on - I want a healthy long life and to be here for my family :-)

  4. That is so interesting. You are probably right about it all. I know that I need more time for myself and now that my schedule is somewhat "sealed," it is hard to see where the extra time will come. But I do think you are right. People often don't even realize that you are trying to help.

  5. It is a difficult lesson to learn and to keep doing that in the midst of some crisis. My "allowance" to myself is putting on music, kitties in my lap and reading.

  6. Good Post today. You were right to take time to see after yourself. After all, if you fall over, whose going to take care of the 'friend' who called you selfish. I bet they didn't think of that, did they?

    I have learned over time to 'caretake' myself because I know what happens when I don't and it's not pretty at all. Mondays are a 'ME' day. I take time to relax, read and rest. I don't schedule anything or anybody on Mondays. It's my day to sleep in or take an afternoon nap or sit and gaze out of the window all day. Monday belongs to me.

    Do not let anyone guilt you out of the time you need for yourself. It's ok to take care of yourself first. Have a good week.

    ~ Cassandra from Renaissance Women

  7. “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” Maya Angelou
    I've made this mistake a few times. My new philosophy has ruffled a few feathers I'll admit. I've also learned although we see a need and want to help we may not be the right fit. This is a recent insight. I've discovered I'm a much better back room helper than front lines person. I get satisfaction from knowing I'm enabling the work to get done. I relish this phase of my life. I seem to have some wisdom after all. The new found knowledge allows me to take care of myself without feeling guilty or guilted.

  8. I've found that when we try and set limits, or say no, it doesn't always go over to well...people in our lives are so used to hearing "yes" from us. Learning to say no, with a gentle and firm tone is a lesson...

    Good for you for speaking up.


  9. Great post. I really struggle with taking care of "me." And I've also been hit with the "selfish" label when I turn down an unreasonable demand.
    I'm trying to live my life less focused on meeting other people's expectations, and more focused on meeting my own needs. Not an easy paradigm shift.

  10. I don't but you have inspired me, you truly have
    I thank you for that,

  11. It is a hard thing to do for those of us raised in the generation of being "caretakers". I have a hard time taking care of "me" even when I know I should be doing so. I AM learning to say NO more often, thought- progress for me-xo Diana

  12. It is so hard... I always feel I'm the last man, er- woman, out. Makin' sure what needs to get done, gets done!

  13. This is one of the most important and hard to do things...taking care of ourselves! I am trying to be better at this since I am getting older and know this is a must!!

  14. I think we all feel guilty when we think of ourselves and put ourselves first. But I've had to change the way I take care of myself over the years and even more recently. I am learning....and getting better, I think. Sweet hugs! (you've gotten some really good comments on this!)

  15. Lovely! I think as we age, we begin realize the importance of life, especially "our" life and it hits us that we want to enjoy some of the things we have given to others and to make ourselves the "best person we can be"... I did write a post on this same subject quite a while back... I have taken my own advice over the last year and I have started to say no to others when I don't feel it benefits me... may sound a little selfish, but it doesn't mean I won't continue to help them, it's just that I make sure that somewhere in there, if I'm not looking after myself, that I include that too... there is only so much time in a day and we need to take a small part of that for ourselves.... Cheers~

  16. Good post. Sometimes, while caretaking, I DO forget to caretake "me."

    When I do, however, I feel happier.

    I love miniatures as one of my hobbies and need to get back to making my mini-mall. It's been crazy hectic lately.

    I also love to read and will set aside some time tonight to read a book I just ordered.

    Thanks for the reminder. Susan


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