F Simple and Serene Living: DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES 09 10
Friday, July 17, 2015

DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES


We have all encountered them. They are the people who seem to suck the life right out of you. They steal your energy and leave you feeling confused and exhausted. Are they narcissistic, histrionic, antisocial? They can be any of these. The problem for us is how to deal with them, because it is very difficult to have a serene life while they are so disruptive. 

Some emotional vampires are just plain mean, and we can recognize their behavior immediately. Some, however, are much more subtle and leave us feeling demeaned and less than. They may be controllers who tell us how we should be living our lives, or they may withhold affection if we don't do as they want. They may hog the limelight, always putting themselves first or place the blame on you for everything that goes wrong in their lives. They may live from one emotional crisis to another, dragging you into each and every one. 

So how do we deal with emotional vampires. If they are someone you can remove from your life then that of course is the best option, but it may not always be possible to do that. 

Ways to protect yourself from emotional vampires.

  • If possible limit your time spent with the person.
  • When they start pushing your buttons refuse to engage with them. Remain calm.
  • Don't allow them to victimize you. This is what they want. Instead be confident in the decisions you make for your life. You know what is best for you. You are the expert on you. 
  • Set boundaries. Don't allow them into your emotional space, and don't allow yourself to be drawn into their constant emotional crisis.
  • Be firm in your resolutions to not let them demean, judge, or control you. 
Everyone deserves to lead a happy and serene life. Stay true to who you are and don't let anyone else steal that happiness and serenity from you.


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P.S. There is more of the Rewriting Life series here.

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20 comments:

  1. Well said Laura! I've had my share of emotional vampires in my life and I try to remove them or keep them at a distance. Not always easy.

    Linda

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    1. It can be really hard when it is a family member or a coworker, Linda.

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  2. Great advice Laura...I had to move away to get far from one....she was a friend, but in the end after many years didn't turn out to be one at all. Boundaries are hard to set with those kind of people...and sadly it needed to be done.

    Jen

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    1. I can really empathize with you, Jen. I have had to do the same thing.

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  3. This is extremely hard to do when it's a family member that you want to stay close to. I have limit my time with 'someone'. I try to stay true to myself but they always bring me down. That's so much easier than raising someone up. I know....I've tried. Enjoy your weekend sweet friend. Hugs, Diane

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    1. It is very difficult when it is a family member, Diane. t can be very disruptive for everyone in the family, and it is so hard to not be affected by their behaviour. You are such a wonderful person, sweet friend. :)

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  4. It is hard not to give them that power over you, especially as Diane said above when they're family. But it doesn't do them or you any good to fall into that pit too.

    It takes years to learn this.

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    1. I have a family member who does this to me, so I just say I am not engaging with you and leave. It makes her mad temporarily because she likes to have control, but then she calms down fairly quickly.

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  5. Laura, I'm going through something like this myself right now, so I really appreciate your words here. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

    ~Sheri

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    1. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this, Sheri. I hope you are able to get it resolved quickly.

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  6. Laura,
    Seems we all have or had these individuals in our lives. It hurts so badly and no matter what a person does, especially if they are family, they still grab us into the dark pit with them. These are such wise tools and just having permission to put these boundaries in place is so beneficial.
    Thank you~
    xo
    Jemma

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  7. I have had these kind of people in my life. I wrote a bit about it, but decided to delete it. Let's just say that some people can make life very hard for you if you let them. I choose not to let them. And I do that by staying away from them as much as possible. Have a good weekend, Laura. Great post!

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  8. Laura, I try to limit my time with people who are downers or try to use up you time...or dampen your spirits.
    Hope you are doing well and enjoying family and friends. Blessings for a great weekend, xoxo,Susie

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  9. I can spot one a mile away and quickly head for the other direction,

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  10. If you are close to one ( family / marriage ) and can't always avoid it is helpful to visualize that boundary as a white light bubble or aura or whatever visual helps....the darkness or draining bounces off of it. Easier said than done, though, I know that : )

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  11. If you are close to one ( family / marriage ) and can't always avoid it is helpful to visualize that boundary as a white light bubble or aura or whatever visual helps....the darkness or draining bounces off of it. Easier said than done, though, I know that : )

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  12. Oh Laura. Emotional vampires. Love that description. Certainly, most of us meet our share of them in life. I know I certainly have. Spending very little time with them is definitely a good decision. They will, indeed, suck out the joy whenever possible. Thanks for your insightful posts! Susan

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  13. As I have gotten older, it's become easier for me to recognize and step away from these types of people, when possible. Great description, like Susan says above! Perfect!

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    1. Yes that has been my experience too. Age has been really great at giving me perspective and insight.

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