F Simple and Serene Living: toxic relationships 09 10
Monday, October 13, 2014

toxic relationships

Women Speak


How many of you all have been involved in a toxic relationship? Raise your hand. Come on. Don't be shy. I promise not to count hands or give away your secrets. Toxic relationships aren't just romantic ones. They may be with family members, friends, or coworkers. Anyone that you have a sustained relationship with.

I think it would be safe to say that we have all encountered toxic people in our lives. They are the people that just suck the life right out of you. They make you feel angry, depressed, and just plain tired. 

I have certainly had my share of toxic relationships (maybe more than my share) and I am here to say enough is enough. So how do we recognize a toxic person, how do we avoid them, and how do we extricate ourselves if we haven't accomplished the first two things.

Toxic people are like most abusive people. They may be negative, leeches, and in most cases they turn things around so that the blame is on you. They just love to take all of your good cheer and make you feel bad. 

It is impossible to completely avoid toxic people. There are a whole lot of them out there. However, if you learn to recognize the traits of toxic people you can cut them off at the pass, so to speak, before they become entrenched in your life. 

It isn't always easy to get rid of toxic people once they have become a part of your life, but if you can it is always the healthiest thing for you to do. You may have to gradually withdraw from the relationship if it isn't possible to cut them out quickly. Of course this may be more difficult with family members, but if they are causing you real problems and you are unable to talk to them about it then you may have to avoid being with them as much as possible. If you can't sever the relationship, then I always say go back to cognitive therapy 101. Change the way you respond to them. If their behavior always makes you angry then try responding in a new way. It may throw them off so much they will try to find someone else to feed off of and you may find yourself feeling better.

So do you recognize any toxic people in your life?

I hope you will join in on the conversation. Kick back, grab a cup of coffee or tea, and lets chat.

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16 comments:

  1. Yes, I have experienced toxic people before. We once had a neighbor like that. He eventually left. I once had a friend like that, I severed that relationship. I once had a relative like that, but she is no longer like that due to illness. The relative was the difficult one to deal with because I couldn't sever the relationship. One thing that all of these people have in common is that they were arrogant and seemed to think they could say whatever they wanted without thinking first. Also, they never said they were sorry for their behavior. I think they were oblivious to it. But life goes on and I don't currently have anyone toxic around me anymore thank goodness!

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    1. I'm happy to hear that you have been able to rid yourself of toxic people, Kelly. The relatives are definitely the hardest ones to sever relationships with. Isn't is amazing how much happier our lives are without those arrogant people. xo Laura

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  2. Uhhhh, yes, I have definitely encountered my share of toxic people. I refer to them as "joy suckers." In reality, I feel deeply sad for them. I mean, how must it be to go around feeling miserable and spreading misery all over?

    I have to be sure and limit my time with toxic people. Love them but definitely keep a distance is a good thing to put into practice.

    Also, I try to remember the expression "Hurt people, hurt people." Susan

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    1. They are "joy suckers", Susan. Like you, I always think how sad it must be to live a life of such pain, but I also know that we definitely do have to limit our time with these people because they will do their best to try and bring you down to their level. :)

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  3. I've encountered many toxic and/or negative people in my lifetime, whether at work or in the family. Sometimes the best response is no response. It isn't always possible though, and in those cases, I generally attempt to kill them with kindness.

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    1. I love that you try and kill them with kindness, Dayle. Isn't it interesting to watch their response when you do that. Not an easy thing to do though. :)

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  4. The older I get...the less toxic people in my life. No time. I am "so" in that purging clutter phase of my life, which also includes negativity from my mind and well being! I have found that kindness, humor and exhibiting "airhead happiness" generally slays the beast.
    ~Lynne
    w/L.



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    1. Absolutely. I am in the process of decluttering too. Getting rid of some toxic people is high on my list :)

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  5. There are toxic people everywhere so yes, I have run into a few in my life. I try to remember that no one can hurt me without my "permission". I "own" my feelings. Having said that I DO try to limit my time with toxic people ( hurting people, really ) and yet love them unconditionally when I am with them.

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    1. You have a wonderfully generous spirit, Sandy.I find it very difficult at times to love them unconditionally when I am with them. Need to work on it more :)

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  6. Boy have I had a lot of toxic people in my life, still have one family member, One thing for me is that these people affect my confidence and I hurt bad when my "Killing with Kindness" doesn't work. I struggle with feeling good enough so eventually I just give up and they win by getting me to respond in a negative way. I know that people cannot jurt you unless you let them but some times you just get battle weary when you can't ignore them.

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    1. Sometimes you just have to let those people go out of your life. I think you have to weigh whether it is better to have them in or out. No one should be allowed to make you feel bad about yourself. I know that I have started standing up to some family members. They don't like the fact that they can no longer control me, but even though it is difficult to go through the process it is better for me in the long run. One of the things I have started doing is not answering my phone when it isn't convenient for me. That wasn't received well, but there has to be boundaries. I hope you find a way to deal with those toxic people, my friend.

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  7. Yes, I've definitely encountered them. I used to put up with that kind of thing when I was younger and wanted everyone to like me. But as I've grown older and learned the hard way about these things, I've learned that I do not have to maintain those relationships. I have family members that are high maintenance and sometimes toxic, but they are family and I love them; I've just learned when to draw the line, and it's incredibly healthy. As for non-family members, if it becomes toxic, I'm gone. Life's too short.
    xo
    Claudia

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    1. I agree, Claudia. I think as we age we become more aware and less tolerant of that kind of behavior. Life is definitely too short to put up with toxic people. :)

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  8. There are people that can suck the life energy out of you just as literally as Dracula would do with your blood. It's a psychic and spiritual energy they are taking.

    Been there / done that / left that :)

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    1. They are just like Dracula. Glad you have left them behind.!!

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